Thursday, December 9, 2010

AFTA: you become Gladys Glover

If you've ever seen It Should Happen To You (1954) featuring Judy Holliday and Jack Lemmon - you remember how Gladys Glover (Judy Holliday) wants to make a name for herself in NYC so she purchases a billboard ad in Columbus Circle that reads: Gladys Glover.  That's all it says.



Imagine seeing a billboard with your name on it!  Now imagine what other people are thinking.  They want to know who you are, what you do and how in the hell you can afford a billboard in Columbus Circle!  But now every time you meet someone and say your name - they'll immediately think to the billboard and ask if that was you.  You haven't done anything yet, but they're interested.  They want to know what you're capable of now, and they want to be a part of whatever it is you do.  You've created a mystique about yourself that makes you STAND out from the rest!

In this job market - you have to create your mystique.  Maybe you can't purchase a billboard in NYC - but that doesn't mean that you can't become Gladys Glover.  She was from a small town and needed some attention fast in order to make her name in the big city.  She went for it.  She went all in and it paid off for her.  So I charge you to do the same.  When you're trying to make a name for yourself - don't hold back!  Go ALL IN and do it every time.  Put all of yourself out there and believe that the person you are is deserving of a billboard in NYC because that's just how good you are!  If you're not that good, do what you need to do to make yourself better. Get your Gladys Glover on, people... get your Gladys Glover on.

 <INSERT DESTINY HERE>

DO IT and DO IT BIG!  DO IT FANCY, HUH!  AND make sure you DO IT ALL NIGHT LONG!!! LOL!  Don't stop when you catch one person's attention, make sure the world stops and stares for a second! Present the very best of you, the biggest and best part of you and watch how they come calling.  But if no one knows who you are, don't be surprised if they don't ask for you by name.

So what happens After the Morning After you become Gladys Glover... you'll watch the world unfold at your feet and you'll be able to write your own ticket.  I for one, have my pen ready honey!  Watch me work!

Stay with me!

Monday, November 8, 2010

After the Morning After - a celebration of life

It is so easy to get caught up in your day to day, month to month, and year to year that you forget to celebrate yourself!  I for one, never forget!! LOL.  My birthday is a great reason to get all the people that you care most about together and just do what comes naturally!  PARTY, drink, talk, catch up on current events, see who's getting married, divorced, separated, or pregnant.  Catch up on the things that you don't keep up with because they don't pay your bills.  They don't put food on the table, nor have they ever paid a gas bill!  These are the spices of life that we only enjoy when we are around those that we call FRIENDS!

I had a beautiful celebration of life this year!  My friends come from far and wide!  I got a birthday shout out from Hong Kong this year.  Who can really say that?  I love my girls!  They absolutely love me and they support me and that's where my happiness lies this year - in my love and support!

When your expectations of life are not met in a timely fashion, or not met at all - we tend to pout, act out, and immediately think that someone has forsaken us.  But if we're patient, thoughtful, and pay attention - we will notice that our expectations are unrealistic at times, and that what God has planned for us, is happening as it should.  He's right on time!  Our lives are a combination of lessons, laughs, and loves - and the labyrinth that is unique to each of us has been designed to give us the most of all 3!  The intricacies of life are not for us to understand, they are to keep us interested in the process.  Stay interested, people!

I heard recently that there are 2 great moments in life - the day you are born and the day you realize why you were born!  All that stuff in the middle is just the PROCESS.  Strive to reach your epiphany and celebrate yourself in all your stages in the meanwhile! :)

What happens after the morning after a celebration of life?  You wake up with a smile on your face knowing that you have done something right up until now - because people actively make your celebration a part of their day, weekend, month, and year!  Know that God is surrounding you with love and support and that is His way of rewarding you for living in his Word!

God is good!

Stay with me!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

After the Morning After - you turn 31!

Yes, people - the day has arrived and gone and has left me 31 and emotionally a freaking wreck!  When I turned 30 - it seemed I had it all!  I was in a new budding relationship (kinda), I had some of my closest friends with me in the Dominican Republic enjoying 81 degree weather in November, and had a good job with some income!  On top of the worrrrrrrrrrrllllllld!  Well what a difference a year makes!  Here I sit at 31 with part time work, no love life, minimal companionship, and a longing in my soul for a mate and fulfillment in my daily functions and career.  How has my life changed so drastically in only 365 days?

Careers are fickle.  They are dependent on so many variables that really don't directly correlate to your abilities or skills.  You can be the best of the best and still get laid off based on the decisions of your CEO, the economy, or the fact that your entire business has been moved to China.  There are no guarantees - unless you work for yourself - the only guarantee for your hard work is how it transfers to your resume!  So I can't be upset that my career has taken a turn.  The economy has not allowed for my business to thrive so we have downsized.  That's not a problem, I just have to figure out where to go from here.  It's time for a challenge, it's time for some newness!  I don't have a problem with change - but sometimes, I would like one thing at a time, not everything.

Relationships are fickle.  I believe the start of it is recognizing that when you take your eyes off the prize, lose focus, and let another person into your sacred temple (your future - get your mind out of the gutter) - you begin to replace pieces of your vision board with pictures of them.  One by one your plans and visions become pictures of their plans and visions, your board becomes their board, and your life begins to revolve around them.  We've all done it.  We go about our lives as usual, while we work overtime to make their lives better - support their dreams - encourage their successes - positively spin their shortcomings.  In the process, our life essentially becomes ON HOLD while theirs progresses in the right direction.  You know why?  Because they have support!!  They have a vision board, a life coach, and a cheerleader all compliments of YOU!  And what do you have... the same thing you had before - but now you're happy because they're happy!  Everything is good, right!?  Yep, until they leave.  For reasons unbeknown to you, the relationship that you put your back into, is now gone.  So while you deal with the emotional complexities of breaking up, you get to look at your vision board and search for pieces of what it used to look like - and all you see is them...

If this is what relationships in your 30s are like.... this is why people get married in their 20s when no one expects much more than frequent sex and beer in the refrigerator!!

So what happens after the morning after you turn 31 - you reassess your life and get your ass in gear!  You had it all at 30 and the world was your oyster... I'm going back to November 2, 2009 and regaining the grip I had on life in that moment!  There was laughter, ambition, amazement, happiness, and I was settled securely in the moment with nothing but love and possibility in my heart!  I'm going back there.  I'm going to find that feeling and make it propel me to next level in 31!  We're only one day in this thing... so let's not waste another second on the simplicities of life.  I'm ready for a new challenge.  I'm ready for a new path in life.  If God sees fit to send me a companion on my journey - I will except him.  I will support him.  I will encourage him.  But never again at the expense of myself.  Never again.  Our vision boards go side by side, or yours can go in your own house!! :)  Ya heard me?! LOL.

Tomorrow will be different by necessity - not by chance!

Stay with me!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

ATMA: Oprah interviewing Tyler Perry

One word: AMAZING!  I have to openly support people that I believe express themselves genuinely through their art.  I believe God gives us all a voice.  Some voices are higher decibels than others, some have staying power and some fade away embattled with societal laryngitis.  I believe in my voice!  I claim it.  I know it is meant for others to hear.  I share with anyone listening so I was especially moved by the interview on Oprah with Tyler Perry.  Amazing.

Tyler Perry endured more than any human should have to endure in a lifetime.  The sadder part is that it was only during the course of his childhood.  He was able to contain the anguish and pain that he felt, if only to spare his mother another's moment pain.  The strength to hold onto that kind of story is immeasurable.  Now that his mother has passed on, he is able to reveal the source of his genius.  Pain.  Terror.  Faith.  Belief.  Triumph.  His story is one that inspires a nation of people who have suffered at the hands of a molester, an abuser, or a childhood taken without remorse.  His story will make it possible for some child out there to believe it will get better, some adult male to release the shame he bears, and some mother to take a closer look at the people in contact with her son.  Inspiration.

Tyler Perry used his childhood to fuel his ambition.  His dedication to approaching topics that are not talked about in the Black community has brought light and relief to a generation of children suffering at the hands of abusers and molesters.  His plays and movies, while comedic in parts, touch on real life issues that are affecting our community.  I hope if nothing else, it raises questions, enlightens us, and motivates us to reach out to our children and make sure they are safe.  We can't leave it to the movies to raise our children, but we can take inspiration from them and use the morals in our daily existence.  Motivation.

I applaud you, Tyler Perry, for reaching out tothe little boy inside of you and making sure that from now until HE IS SAFE.  HE IS PROTECTED.  And that other little boys and girls around the nation have a voice.  I cried with you today.  I felt your victory in my spirit.  I will use this experience to make sure that my voice is not diminished, and the little girl inside of me is never afraid to be who she is.  Fearless.

What happens after the morning after Oprah's interview with Tyler Perry - we reach out as a nation to our children and ask the questions that we don't think to ask.  We ask if anyone is touching them.  We make sure that they know there is no shame in telling.  And we protect them with our very lives.  So that we can put a choke hold on an epidemic in our nation that is ruining the childhood of so many young lives.  They don't deserve it, they didn't ask for it, and it's our responsibility to save them from it.  Take a stand.  Look at the difference your voice has made.  If it's not loud enough, TURN IT UP!  Use the little boy or girl inside of you to realize your dreams and to be an inspiration to others.  Use your experiences and tribulations to make the road a little easier for another human being.  Don't fall prey to societal laryngitis.  Speak.  Act.  Be.

We love you Tyler Perry!

Stay with me!

Monday, October 4, 2010

ATMA: 30 Part I

In the realm of milestones in your life, 30 is a pretty big one!  The rest of the milestones are 40, 50, 65 (retirement age) and then 100.  Hell, you only have 4 more milestones before you meet your maker - that's crazy!  Because at 30 you feel like you have your whole life ahead of you.  It's just starting to come into place, you're getting your bearings, you know who you are and things are becoming easier to deal with.  Or are they?  

The big birthday milestones before 30 are those that come with some recognizable societal nod that you are different for having reached that age.  
13 - teenager, you're growing more hairs on your important parts...your voice is changing...next year you'll be in HIGH SCHOOL and you only have 3 years to 16!  

16 - in most states, you're driving...with that comes responsibility of driving, peer pressure, wanting to have sex - starting to have sex - having sex - or turning your nose up at those that are already having sex!  You may have a job, some responsibility, and life is good!  

18 - hey, you're legal...you can vote, buy smokes, and get yourself kicked out your mama's house!  You're looking at colleges and what the next step is in your life.  This is the age where society expects you to be a productive member - either in college, or working and paying taxes.

21 - PARTY, PARTY, PARTY!!!  Somebody buy me a drink!! Nevermind, I can buy my own!!!  Woo-hoo!  Now society has deemed you responsible enough to drink in public LEGALLY!!  (we all know you've been drinking since you were 18 or before for some of you lushes)  You've graduated college and now you are ready to be shipped off to your new life.

So what happens after 21?  You just get older!  You are supposed to mature more and find your way in the world.  Grow, Build, Explore, Stockpile, Progress, Invent, Travel, Marry, Reproduce...Do something!!  When you get to 30... society doesn't nod anymore!  It dismisses you and let's you figure the rest out on your own.  It chooses then to focus on the little hellions growing up behind you destroying the world with bad grades, negligence and disrespect!!  You're 30 - so you should know your way.  You can't blame ignorance on being in your 20s anymore.  Your mistakes are made knowingly at this point.

On the one hand, 30 is great.  You're 10 years into your career, maybe you've started a family, things are somewhat more settled, you begin to travel more with your friends or your family and you're paying your bills now.  No more mom and dad to tell you what to do, you're living in your own realm of experiences.  But on the other hand, you barely recognize yourself.  Your knees squeak, creak, pop, and ache.  You walk to the mailbox and the next day your thighs think you ran 6 miles uphill!  The days of going pantyless are over - and I'll leave it at that. LOL.  You don't feel like partying anymore, your couch calls your name louder than the clubs - and as a result, there's a friggin' tire around your waist and you have no idea where it came from!!  What the hell?!  Muffin top?  Really?!!  All of this happened right when skinny jeans come into fashion!  Great!  Now the only jeans that fit me are my bellbottoms from the back of the closet! hahaha.  This is the bullsense I'm talking about!  But no, 30 is great!!  You have some money in the bank, so you can correct all these wrongs! lol.

So the question is...what happens after the morning after...30?  The answer is - you go on about your adult business!  You party hard and bring in your milestone!  You only have 4 left, so live the life in between the milestones to the fullest and let society nod at you for being able to handle your own business!  "They" say, Life happens when you're not looking - so don't look at this milestone and think of where you aren't - look at it and think of the possibilities now that you know who you are and what you are capable of doing, creating, building, and inventing!  Live life without looking, use your heart and your instincts and watch the opportunities present themselves.  Look out 40!!  We're going to have life by the horns by the time we get to you!!!  I for one, cannot wait to until my next big thing!

Stay with me!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

ATMA: social dating sites...

As I sit in a semi-crowded restaurant watching the door with a bit of anxiety, I wonder how did I get here.  Was it me?  Was it them?  What exactly has led me to the world of social dating?  Did I actually buy into the hype of finding my soulmate based on a bunch of pre-answered questions tabulated to create "matches"?  Maybe I'm not looking for my retirement plan at the moment, maybe I'm just looking for some fun.  What better way to take some of the guesswork out of dating?  So here I am...


Every time the door opens, I either hope it's him or hope it's not him!!  When an ugh-schmug comes through the door - I immediately turn my head.  He does not see me, he does NOT see me.  Whew - dodged a bullet there!  But when a beautiful specimen of a man comes in, I readjust my blouse, moisten my lips, and smile waiting to make eye contact.  I maintain my perfect smile until it fades involuntarily at the sight of Mr. Gorgeous walking up to a Ms. Perfect (that is not me).  Or in some cases a Mr. Perfect.  Damn, for real?  Well bravo to you, Sir, for scooping up some man candy like that!! So now, I'm stuck looking at the door again every few minutes between text messages to my girlfriends.  I get a message that reads, "I sure hope he's not 4'11" or 600 lbs... or 600 lbs AND 4'11"!  Make sure you know where the exits are! lmao." and as soon as I burst out laughing, I hear, "Excuse me, are you...?"


Now when you're dealing with social dating sites, people have the freedom to invent themselves as anybody that their imagination tells them they can be.  In my mind, there are no flaws on my body.  My teeth are perfectly white (although I drink coffee every morning).  My armpits don't sweat no matter how much I work out.  I smell like my morning shower all day long...it's like the 18 hour bra! The 18 hour shower!  I'm 5'9" and only 130 lbs.  I could go on and on.  My point is that when its you and the keyboard, you can be anything you want to be - DON'T!  Be who you are.  Be the person that you see everyday.  Be confident in your abilities.  Don't tell me you're 6'2" and Nigerian and then you walk up in our date 5'7" and Norwegian!  DO YOU NOT THINK I'LL NOTICE?!!!!  Come on, man!!


What makes people lie on their profiles?  If you're really trying to meet someone to have some fun, let it all out! What do you have to lose?  There are a million other people to wink at, or wave to, or smile at, or whatever you have to do to flirt via cyberspace!  If this one doesn't like you... find another one.  Your best chance to get the most bang out of your buck (so to speak)(pun intended) (disclaimer: you are not a John if you pay for the possibility of meeting someone online to possibly have sex with down the road - at least I don't think. lol.) is to be honest, tell the truth, and see where it gets you.  I had a coworker that straight told the guy they weren't going anywhere because he lied on his profile and he was chubbier than she liked.  Well clearly, she was a b.i. - but her point is valid.  If she's superficial enough to turn you away bc of your weight, she would've done it online had you given her the chance.  That would've saved you a train ride, buddy!  Be honest.  And if only she had put "potential to be a pompous ass" on her profile, he would've known to leave her alone in the first place!


We're all out here trying to play this chess game of dating - whether you're a pawn or a King... be honest about it!  A pawn can't be disguised as a King - but it can still put some moves on the Queen!  Get 'em Tiger!! :)  


What happens after the morning after....social dating sites?  HONESTY.  SELF-REFLECTION.  A guy that pays your way into the movies with quarters (thrifty), a girl who inadvertently uses curse words in her story-telling (edgy), a guy who puts work ahead of you (ambitious), or a girl who just simply makes you smile (dabomb.com).  If you look for the good in the person, you might surprise yourself.  If you're honest about the good in you, you might be a refreshing change of pace for someone else.  We're all grown here, let's keep it 100.  I am what I am.  I am what I eat, and I am what I know.  But I could try eating what you eat, and learning some of what you know - and who knows who I'd be then!!


Stay with me!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

ATMA: they're gone...

"We can't dwell in what we're losing, we have to move forward with what your decision means for both of us individually. I need to find out what I do now. I need to find what's next for me. I need to make sure I'm strong enough to handle a friendship with the one that has my heart. I know I am, I just don't know how to get from A to B right now. And you... well, you have to do you."


Are you serious?  You want us to be friends?  Sure, let's be friends, let's hold hands and sing kumbaya.  We'll wear matching shirts or something!  It'll be great!  Oh, I'm sorry - was I being sarcastic?  I'm just sayin'...Isn't it a little selfish to break up with someone for your own personal reasons and then ask them to squeeze into this nice little category that you've constructed for them.  You want them in your life, but only how you want them.  You really want me to watch you date other people?  Do I get a pat on the head for good behavior too?  So I ask...what do you do when you've invested all you have in something and then you lose it?  Especially, when you lose it for reasons that are not attributed to your person.  Geography.  Bad timing.  At this point in my life... I mean what ever follows that statement, is not going to be good for you.  It's not you, it's me.  You're "amazing".  Funny how none of the aforementioned statements actually soothes the emptiness you feel at losing something that you weren't ready to lose.  


It's similar to investing $20 in a stock and watching it grow to $2000.  Everyday, you go back to check and see if it's grown some more, and when it has - you do a little victory dance, you tell your friends, and pat yourself on the back for having the brilliance to jump in!  Then one day your stock decides to take it's $2000 status to someone else.  WTH???  You don't get a return on your investment.  You get a pat on the head for being "amazing" and your stock walks away with the microwave and the flat screen TV.


Now you're amazing and alone.  Your friends tell you to get out and date.  Find someone else, you need a distraction - but it's just not palatable to start again with another $20 and not know the outcome.  Will this one be the stock that I can retire on?  This is the biggest gamble you're ever going to make.  And for most people, it happens a lot!!  It's never a jackpot on the first try.  It's endless days and nights drinking free Rum & Cokes in the same chair pulling the same handle on the same machine hoping for a different outcome.  COME ON 3 CHERRIES!!!  Hey, some people have even decided to switch machines!! :)  Get you some!!  I don't judge.  But the funny thing is... it doesn't matter which machine you're on - the chance of hitting jackpot depends heavily on the player before you.  


You can't get up and walk away from it all.  You have seen way too many of your friends hit their jackpots!  People all around you have beat the machine so you still have hope that it can happen for you.  Keep that faith, baby!!


So what happens after the morning after they're gone...pull it together!  Sigh at the loss of your relationship, shake off the urge to call them, get your friends together for a night out, and try to distract yourself as much as possible.  Once you're thoroughly distracted, you'll find "ol' whatshisname/whatshername" further from your thoughts.  And the angst in your heart will dissipate eventually... enough to maybe make room for some joy from another.  Some people bounce back faster than others - those people keep their emotions superficial while others feel viscerally.  Know who you are and know that someone out there will appreciate your "AMAZINGNESS" enough to make you their retirement plan.  All the others - were suckas!


Stay with me! 

Monday, September 27, 2010

After the Morning After - you find your hustle...

Education, education, education!  From the time you're born - you're steadily being pumped with information that will prepare you for the rest of your life.  Education is the key!  Ambition is the way!  Determination and perseverance!!!  Yes, yes, yes!  Yes, Bobby Bouche - YOU CAN DO ITTTT!!  But what happens when you don't graduate with a degree that explains exactly what you'll do after graduation?  Okay, if you're in Nursing School - chances are, you know you're gonna need some scrubs and some Crocs sometime soon!  A degree in Education means you will need some Germ-X soon! (God Bless You Brothers and Sisters) But graduating with a degree in Communications will inevitably set you up for trial and error career choices until you find your niche.  

In my dictionary - there are two definitions of hustle.  My picture is beside both of them!!  There is the corporate hustle that makes you a rising star from the moment you step on the scene.  The hustle to have 17 degrees and an honorary doctorate - damn, son - you just never get enough of a classroom!  By the time you get out of school, it'll be time to retire!!  Sit your old smart ass down somewhere!!  Just kidding!  We need people like you, the word NERD is more official because of you! lol. Because of your education, you have your choice of careers, you become an expert and share your knowledge with the world until you're 91 and no one can understand you because you have no teeth!

Example:
With a BA in Communications, young graduate, you can go on to over 100 different positions - finding the right place for you requires a little hustle on your part.  Some ingenuity in action, creativity in conversation, versatility in various - uhm, well anyway, you get my drift - you're going to have to work it to make it what you want.  What does your degree prepare you for?  What has your education gotten you?  Hopefully, some connections so that you can see the opportunities awaiting someone with your qualifications - which by the way are minimal.  This is where the hustle awakens - you decide what it is that you want to do and you find someone that can get your foot in the door.  You take that job at the radio station giving out t-shirts at live broadcasts in front of Food Lion, sign up to work at the local newspaper as an Associate's Associate, and in the meanwhile, find someone in executive management and shine for them!  Be the first one there, be the last one to leave, and work super hard all the hours in between.  

Work hard, but not just to please your masters when they are watching. As slaves of Christ, do the will of God with all your heart. Work with enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. 
Ephesians 6:6

I'm not telling you to brown nose... because then you'll piss off your coworkers and they'll sabotage your rise to the top!  Just be cool and work hard.  Be innovative and speak up.  Let your voice be heard from the bottom of the totem pole.  Loud enough to make all those above you look back and take notice!  Who's that girrrrrrl? Na, na, nuh, na, na, na, nuh, na, na.... She's that girl - na, na, nuh, na, na, na, nuh, na!  Or guy!!  It doesn't sound as good, but the same advice goes for men.  Don't be afraid to ask questions, to learn new things, and please try to take in as much as you can - but never get complacent!  Never settle for your position.  Remember that this position is a way to your next position - and that one is closer to what you really want to do.

Then there is the hustle that allows you to make a dollar out of fifteen cent (a dime and a nickel).  The hustle that makes people ask, "Do you ever sit still?"  Your answer, Hustle Man, is HELL NO... money never sleeps and neither do I!

Do you know anybody that is Tommy from Martin?  Do you know anyone that you've never known to have a job, but is never without anything?  His TV is bigger than yours.  His bedroom is fancier than yours.  (Oh you fancy, huh?) But you haven't seen this man get up and go to a job a day in his life.  This man hustles.  He uses his connections to get him in situations that make money.  Street sense with an economical and financial element can lead to some pretty lucrative situations!  You don't have to make this man your boyfriend, but you will need him in your life!  He knows someone who knows someone that has exactly what you need.  You don't even know what you need yet, but Hustle Man can get it for you!  I admire Hustle Man because he's not going to let his lack of education keep him from the American Dream - oh no, my brotha - he's going to get his!  We sit around and wait on a paycheck allowing our lives to be planned around the 1st and 15th - but Hustle Man is always ready to do whatever because he always has money in his pocket and more coming!

Some of us out here have way too many talents and aspirations to be straddled into one position at one company for the rest of our lives.  We still need to pay our rents, so we may still need the stability that corporate America affords - but where do we really get jazzy??  What do we do that relaxes us, that stimulates us, that inspires us, that fills that void of public service?  How can we make a difference?  Because really...those of us that have been blessed, have to be the ones to bless others.  We have to be held accountable for the environment around us.  We must roll up our sleeves after work and do something that makes a difference - do it all night long!!  Do it like it's never been done before!  And get your friends to do it too!  BOTTOMLINE:  WE CAN ALL DO SOMETHING!  If you make jewelry, knit sweaters, are handy with a hammer, technologically savvy, or a great cook... let's figure out a way to use that hustle to make a difference.  If you need that hustle to make money, I will not discourage you.  I encourage expanding your personal enterprise, but at the same time - use it to help someone else.  After your bake sale, donate the unsold goods to your local shelter.  If your sweaters didn't sell at the flea market this week, donate a couple to the Women's Shelter.  Grab your hammer and volunteer with Habitat for Humanity.  There are a million ways to use your hustle to benefit you and others.  

So what happens after the morning after you find your hustle?  You put it to work.  Make it work for you, make it work for your community, and use it to create happiness or security for someone else.  Don't waste the talent that God has given you to share with others - do as He intended.  And I have to take my own advice on this one!  I have a lot of talents and I don't do enough with them, so I will challenge myself to do something bigger with what God has given me.

Stay with me!

Friday, September 24, 2010

After the Morning After - you realize you're broke!

Oh this is just great, I work everyday with people that I pretend to like, eating granola bars out of a vending machine, and teaching my boss her job just so I can maintain my level of broke!!  The absolute bullsense (I want to say something else, but I'll refrain for now) is what this is!  Mama told me one day it was gonna happen, but she never told me when... that's a lie.  Mama didn't tell me anything, mama made it look easy.  "Ma, can I have the new PlayStation that comes out tomorrow?" - "Ma, can I live in an apartment instead of the dorms?" - "Ma, can you put more money on my meal card, so I can feed this football playing tall drink of water I call my boyfriend?"  She just kept saying yes!!  How was I suppose to know that each time I asked, she had to dig deeper into her pockets to find that YES.  (shrugs shoulders ) She made it look easy.

So my thought process was this... get a degree, get a job, and start buying stuff!  A house, a new car, a lawnmower, a grill, a wheelbarrow!! lol.  I mean whatever.  Once you're out of school, everything is supposed to fall into place.  You have no plan B and no one tells you how difficult it will be.

So here you are, Jane, you've graduated from school, you've started an entry level position at the first company that made an offer - you have your whole future ahead of you!  Ain't no stoppin' us now... we're on the move!  Sing with me!  Ain't no stoppin' us now... we've got the groove!!  But wouldn't you know it...life happens, Jane!  Scenario 1:  You start making some money and start buying stuff - more stuff than your entry level job can pay for, next thing you know your mom is telling Chase Bank, Victoria's Secret,  Macy's, and the Container Store that you're not home!  Really, Jane, the Container Store? - come on!! Scenario 2:  You meet a boy, boy takes you home, boy plays with girl parts - no boy becomes i don't know boy which becomes OH BOY or GOOD GOD BOY (or a combination of both - OH GOOD GOD BOY) - next thing you know... boy, jr!  It's like, you're driving down a very crowded highway one minute with all your friends in tow and 3 turns later - you're picking tumbleweeds out of your ass alone!  How did this happen?  How did I get here?  How can I get back to where I was when my life had so much promise?

You turn around - a full 180 degrees and there's only a mirror behind you with your own reflection staring back! What the hell??  Don't take this opportunity to Vogue in the mirror - Don't do the Dougie - Don't check your teeth for spinach - Don't turn around and look at your butt.... BE SERIOUS.  Take a good hard look into your own eyes.  Now look beyond your eyes - search your soul.  Find that person in there that is holding on to hope, the one with all the ambition - wake that chick up!!  Tell her to get you back on track because bottom line is - THERE IS NO GOING BACK.  There's only forward.  You have to move forward.  All the mistakes/choices in the past don't define you.  You still have the ability to be whatever you want to be.  You can still do whatever you want to do.

I'm speaking about this today because I've found myself in a few tumbleweed situations!  I have the thoughts and questions about working everyday and still not having the freedom that the Constitution talks about.  I don't have any kids, but I do have bills.  I have life - given to me by God (thank you), I have happiness - I'm blessed beyond comprehension because I have a network of friends and family that have allowed me to be myself and encourage me along the way, but I used to search for the liberty, the freedom, the wind beneath my wings - that piece of the puzzle that would allow me to be the flower instead of the gardener.  Then slowly I began to realize that the liberty is in the freedom you have to express yourself, to do God's work, to laugh out loud, to date who you want to, to kiss in public, to enjoy a baby's laugh, to help an old lady with her groceries, to give your parents romance on a giftcard, to ride a bike with no hands!!  These are the things that you can still do when you're broke.  The parts of life that don't come with a receipt, but come with a guarantee.

John 6:27 reads, "Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval."

So what happens after the morning after... you realize you're broke?  Thank God for waking you up... and then hug Boy, Jr. a little tighter, call your mom and tell her you love her, watch the sunrise from your front porch, close your eyes and feel the Beyonce breeze across your face!  Take in the moments that soothe your being, smile and remember that you're not poor - your riches extend far beyond your bank account.  Please remember that money is just money.  There will always be a way to get more money.  Sometimes you have to be creative, some options involve poles and body butter (lol) - but there are options, that's all I'm saying!  Why not try to nurture your spirit more?  If you're spiritually bankrupt - all the money in America won't bring you the liberty you seek.  You'll be a servant to greed, capitalism, and your relationships will be hollow and listless.  But when you have faith that whatever your tribulation, God will bring you through, you'll never let depression set in.  The small victories will matter, your ambition will never diminish, and your dedication to your passion will only strengthen in time - for you will be doing the work of God... and that my friends - is where your liberty lies.

Let the Church say, Amen!


Stay tuned!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

After the Morning After - your youth disappears...

"As I sit and ponder your effect on me... the thought makes me smile subconsciously."  


No matter where you find it, this is what we are all searching for whether knowingly or unknowingly.  The love, the pitter-patter of your heartbeat that turns into lust in your loins... the dream as a kid afforded by the blind optimism of youth.  I will have a beautiful woman, I will have a handsome suitor - we'll have a dog, an argyle sweater vest wearing son, and an adorable plaid pleated skirt wearing daughter and we'll live each day in love, laughter, and unabashed devotion vacationing in the South of France.  It's not until later in life that your optimism is stripped bare and beaten to a pulp by the neighborhood bully, or in most cases, your first love! That first taste of love, raw emotion, guiltless pleasure, and s-e-x!!  Woo-hoo!! Hell, after that, your parents can't tell you anything, laws mean nothing, colors are brighter, you seem smarter, and a strong fearlessness settles into your soul - YOU'RE IN LOVE! Everything else fades into the background, until... he/she breaks your heart... oh bloody hell, now everything's RUINED... food has no taste, you can't focus, you don't care about your appearance, your breath stinks, he's/she's gone - why does anything else matter? Dear God, why hast thou forsaken me?! lol.  Sad part is... the cycle of life will continue without you.  You will eventually pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and life assuredly goes on...  How you recover from your first love/heartbreak, will have consequences on all your relationships going forward.  Trust me.

So fast forward to adulthood...

You are an adult.  You cannot claim ignorance for the situations you put yourself into anymore.  Your youth is behind you and the remnants of that period face you day after day.  Whether they crawl out of bed with dragon breath and Spongebob Squarepants pajamas, are attached to your being in the form of bad knees and dark circles under your eyes, or gawk at you from a stack of bills on your counter - one fact remains the same... YOUR YOUTH IS GONE!!

What does life and love consist of After the Morning After - your youth disappears?  For some of us, it's about doing things that kids half our age are doing - partying, drinking, smoking, and leaving our kids to figure out life on their own.  For others of us, it's full time work, part time play, and sporadic moments of pleasure from spouses or partners that we may or may not want to keep around full time.  It's about the juggle.  It's about how we transition from being a selfish teenager to a productive member of society who actively seeks life, liberty and happiness.  Our definition of those three things - routes our journey.

For me, it's about understanding what happens next and maintaining my excitement at what God has in store for me.  I work hard everyday so that I can vacation with my girls (would be my man, if I had one).  I try to experience new things, step outside of the box, color outside of the lines, and exercise outside of the house.  I learn rules so that I can bend them - I educate myself on something new weekly (daily would be exhausting!) and I try to encourage others to do the same.

My cousin (a very intelligent man) told me that he found it really interesting that I use p90x analogies to describe life!  He was being sarcastic, but I think it's spot on.  Tony Horton says that the key to p90x is muscle confusion, you keep them in shape by switching up exercises and not doing the same thing all the time.  I think life needs some muscle confusion too!!  How can you become a better person, mother, father, thinker, worker, or lover by doing the same thing everyday?  How will you ever progress in life?  Answer: YOU WON'T!  Don't be afraid to flip the script.  To do something different.  Go outside the norm - the norm sucks!!!

I challenge you to evaluate your morning after - and if you find that you are not where you want to be, find a way to change it.  Find a way to get there!  We're in a recession people, this is where you get creative!

We have a lot more to talk about...

Stay with me!