ATMA: they're gone...

"We can't dwell in what we're losing, we have to move forward with what your decision means for both of us individually. I need to find out what I do now. I need to find what's next for me. I need to make sure I'm strong enough to handle a friendship with the one that has my heart. I know I am, I just don't know how to get from A to B right now. And you... well, you have to do you."


Are you serious?  You want us to be friends?  Sure, let's be friends, let's hold hands and sing kumbaya.  We'll wear matching shirts or something!  It'll be great!  Oh, I'm sorry - was I being sarcastic?  I'm just sayin'...Isn't it a little selfish to break up with someone for your own personal reasons and then ask them to squeeze into this nice little category that you've constructed for them.  You want them in your life, but only how you want them.  You really want me to watch you date other people?  Do I get a pat on the head for good behavior too?  So I ask...what do you do when you've invested all you have in something and then you lose it?  Especially, when you lose it for reasons that are not attributed to your person.  Geography.  Bad timing.  At this point in my life... I mean what ever follows that statement, is not going to be good for you.  It's not you, it's me.  You're "amazing".  Funny how none of the aforementioned statements actually soothes the emptiness you feel at losing something that you weren't ready to lose.  


It's similar to investing $20 in a stock and watching it grow to $2000.  Everyday, you go back to check and see if it's grown some more, and when it has - you do a little victory dance, you tell your friends, and pat yourself on the back for having the brilliance to jump in!  Then one day your stock decides to take it's $2000 status to someone else.  WTH???  You don't get a return on your investment.  You get a pat on the head for being "amazing" and your stock walks away with the microwave and the flat screen TV.


Now you're amazing and alone.  Your friends tell you to get out and date.  Find someone else, you need a distraction - but it's just not palatable to start again with another $20 and not know the outcome.  Will this one be the stock that I can retire on?  This is the biggest gamble you're ever going to make.  And for most people, it happens a lot!!  It's never a jackpot on the first try.  It's endless days and nights drinking free Rum & Cokes in the same chair pulling the same handle on the same machine hoping for a different outcome.  COME ON 3 CHERRIES!!!  Hey, some people have even decided to switch machines!! :)  Get you some!!  I don't judge.  But the funny thing is... it doesn't matter which machine you're on - the chance of hitting jackpot depends heavily on the player before you.  


You can't get up and walk away from it all.  You have seen way too many of your friends hit their jackpots!  People all around you have beat the machine so you still have hope that it can happen for you.  Keep that faith, baby!!


So what happens after the morning after they're gone...pull it together!  Sigh at the loss of your relationship, shake off the urge to call them, get your friends together for a night out, and try to distract yourself as much as possible.  Once you're thoroughly distracted, you'll find "ol' whatshisname/whatshername" further from your thoughts.  And the angst in your heart will dissipate eventually... enough to maybe make room for some joy from another.  Some people bounce back faster than others - those people keep their emotions superficial while others feel viscerally.  Know who you are and know that someone out there will appreciate your "AMAZINGNESS" enough to make you their retirement plan.  All the others - were suckas!


Stay with me!