ATMA: You Find The One

(Photo courtesy: The Princess and the Frog)

PUCKER UP!

We search and search and search and seemingly kiss frog after frog trying to find the one that turns into your prince, well for the sake of MY story, she's a princess. But what happens when you get frustrated and start to believe that your "one" is just a figment of your imagination?  That's easy to believe when thus far the world has been full of toads for you.

I mean - you put yourself out there and you are said to be the fastest, the smartest, and a sure favor to win the race (because you've got all the good stuff) - yet you either beat yourself or lose your competitive spirit somehow continuously settling for second, third, fourth or fifth best.  But you know you're better!!

I'm here to tell you that you have to dust yourself off, reapply your lip gloss and keep trying. WARNING! Don't try to trick yourself into believing that a toad is a princess.  A toad is a toad.  You can tell yourself until you're blue in the face that they will change... but guess what, down the line all you'll end up with is disappointment and warts.  I don't know about you, but I'm not about that life!

BE READY!
Even though you pray and remain positive and believe that you will find "the one" - you can't really prepare yourself for the feeling that comes with it.  It's like being smacked in the face with a happy sock, doused in sugar and spun around in circles.  You're smiling, and sweetness is dripping from your lips, and you're off balance as hell (or as Beyonce would say, "Drunk in Love").  It feels so good you have to ask yourself if you deserve it.  F that... of course you do!  But are you ready for the responsibility that comes with the REAL.  Everyone wants something real, but are you willing to look at yourself bare bones and be all that someone else needs.  Will you compromise, will you listen, will you put them first, will you let go of the past to build a future, will you be willing to let go and fall in love no matter what?  Well...will you?  It's difficult to answer YES to all of those unless you've found the right one for you.  Because for me... the answer is emphatically YES, unequivocally YES, unabashedly YES and unfiltered YES.  That's when you know you're ready.  So are you?

HOW YOU KNOW SHE'S PERFECT FOR YOU...


When you can talk on the phone for 6 hours straight and still have stuff to talk about, so you do it again the next day!  When you see her face and immediately smile and your insides tingle.  When her voice soothes your nerve endings and creates a calm inside you that no one ever has before. When you trust yourself to be completely yourself with her and she does the same with you.  When it's physically uncomfortable to be away from her too long...so you move mountains to be with her. When she's the last voice you hear at night and the first one in the morning.  When it's effortless from the gate and it organically blossoms without pretense or confusion. When she just is.  Day after day and night after night... she just is.

BUT REALLY HOW DO YOU KNOW?

When you pray for her before you pray for yourself.  When her goals and dreams become a part of your future and vice versa - so the plan becomes how are WE going to make this happen?  And for those basic mathematicians...when the sum of the parts is not greater than the whole. When together you're better.  Period.  And you want nothing but to hold her close to your heart for as long as you can.

   

That's a good looking couple right there. 

So what do you do after the morning after you find the one?  You thank God, the Universe, Allah, Buddha or whoever you thank that they saw fit to bless you with such happiness.  And you put in the effort to make it last.  This is not something you play around with!  You have to work everyday to be a better you - be the you that you are destined to be - and be that you with them.  Because without them, you can't possibly be your best.

Happy Valentine's Day to all you lovers out there!!

Stay with me!

ATMA: the picture develops

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY!!

My father was a man that liked to capture the special moments in life.  He always had a camera and was always taking the worst candid shots of everyone around him!  Dad, really?  I wasn't ready for that.  At least give me the chance to pose properly.  But that wasn't him, he wanted the raw essence of the moment, there was true reality in each of his pictures.  So when you look back, you remember the feeling you had because it shows.  I never got that until now.  The memories I have of him are the candid moments, not the moments where he paused and smiled for the camera (except that picture in that hat - smh - too cool for school, Daddy)...but they are the times where he laughed from his belly, the hugs that took my breath away, him walking past me and hitting me on the shoulder just to let me know he recognized my presence, the loud singing from his office totally off key, his genuine affection toward any and everyone and the countless other nuances that you never pay attention to and can never forget just the same.

Before March 8th, I could've never imagined life without my father.  It's like imagining life without an integral part of who you are.  You can't imagine being yourself without every single piece of what makes you you being in place.  Yet, this is my reality.  

I remember when I decided to move to New York.  My father said, "Are you sure that's what you want to do?"  I said, "Daddy, if you're scared for me to go, say you're scared...it's okay!" He smiled and said, "I'm not scared.  I'm proud of you."  My smiled reached clear across my face! That was the first time in my life I remember my father saying he was proud of me.  And everything I've done since then, has been to continue that tradition.  There was just something about that pat on the back that made me feel like I could take over the world.  It's like nothing was out of reach, and that's how I've always lived my life.

The day my father passed, it's like someone took a new Polaroid snapshot of my life.  You know the second the picture is taken, you can't see anything.  You don't know what the actual picture will look like for some time.  In the process of waiting for the picture to develop, you shake it and shake it and shake it.  That's exactly what the last almost 6 months of my life have been like.  Like God picked up my whole world and began shaking it.  Things that have always been in place began to shift, emotions that had been buried became uncovered, people I hadn't seen in a while began showing up, plans that I had in mind were forgotten....everything that I knew to be clear... became blurry.  So what do you do when your world is unsteady?  When you feel like you can no longer stand...you simply kneel.  And watch what happens.  Remain still and watch the comfort you begin to feel.  Right at the moment when you feel like you're falling...you feel a hand in the small of your back...you feel a grip on your arm...and you feel a shoulder under your head.  In the midst of the instability that had become my emotions, while I was waiting on my picture to develop, God sent his angels to help me, to hold me, to save me.

As I think back today in celebration of the life of my father, I smile.  I actually thought today would be difficult.  I dreaded the emotion that would come with celebrating him on his day knowing he wouldn't be here to cut the cake.  But I prayed all week for strength.  I prayed that my father was in a better place and I got the answer from God that all is well.  He is smiling, listening to jazz, and there with his mother and the rest of our loved ones that have passed on and he is celebrating. With each gentle breeze I feel today, I know he is cutting the cake and blowing out candles.  And with that, I am at peace.  I will inevitably shed a tear, but I won't be sad.  I won't be discouraged.  I will be uplifted because the hand in the small of my back, the grip on my arm, and the shoulder underneath my head... is that of my father.  It is now intangible, but it is no less real to me.  God put that in my heart today and for that I am grateful and able to celebrate my father in happiness for all that he gave me.  For all that he made me.  And for the life and times I had with him in all of his awesomeness!

So what do you do after the morning after the picture develops?  You look at and smile seeing a consistent reminder to live in the raw essence of the moment.  Don't let your snapshots ever be posed or paused. Continue living each minute of your life fully so every time you look back at a captured moment, you feel the power and the heartbeat shining through.  It doesn't matter if the moment is happy or sad or even reverent...let the moment be as vivid as it needs to be without regret.  That's how my father lived and that's how I will continue to live.  So each and every snapshot of my life will be real.  Candid.  Truthful.  And I will not have trepidation going through the process of development - for I have been shaken and I survived.

This Polaroid is for you, Dad.  I love you and I appreciate the life you lived for me and the family. We love you and we celebrate you today and always! MUAH!

Arnold DeVelle Davis 

August 29, 1947 - March 8, 2014

  

ATMA: Unsolved Mysteries

WISHING A HAPPY 

13th DELTAVERSARY TO MY SISTERS!

On December 4, 1999 the Iota Rho Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. initiated the last line of the decade!  These ladies have become my strongest supporters, my cheerleaders, my shoulders to cry on, my source of laughter, my inspiration and truly truly my sisters.  We've shared so many triumphs together and we've been there for each other in times of tragedy.  We have married each other off, welcomed new bundles of joy, and thrown parties in honor of major milestones.  The experience of having a supporting cast this strong is the reason we pledged.

From the moment we met, we knew that we were in for something amazing...an experience beyond our wildest imaginations.  Whatever the reason behind the ambition and the determination to take that first step to pledge Delta, we all ended up on the same journey, adhered to the same mantras, and stepped in unison to cross those burning sands.

I truly believe you don't know who you are until you've been tested.  You have to see how you react to challenges and who you are on the other side of them.  We faced some definite challenges and I believe who we are today is rooted in the women we were on December 4, 1999.  When unimaginable tasks are put before you and you succeed - you feel limitless.  That is a feeling that you never want to lose because as long as you feel limitless - no goal is unreachable, no dream unattainable, and no obstacle unconquerable.   When anyone asks me about being a Delta - that's what I tell them.  When I crossed, I became part of a network of amazing women who strive for excellence in their daily lives - far beyond college.  A network of WINNERS!!  I for one, am all about winning! :)

So I told my cousin, I was gonna spit a hot 16 on my next blog entry - lol so here we go!  This one is for you Nik!

I Love my Line!

22 from '13 and now the legacy's set 

kept it going nonstop since the day that we met 

12 reds from '99 founder steppin on necks 

party hopping full speed thru sorority sets 

you said you want it, please girl, yea we taking that bet 

we're pair you up with anybody and put you both in distress 

Mysteries Unsolved like a case of Who Dun It?

Keep our Nikes strapped up cuz we consistently Run It

pick any 12 from any line to try to meet this match

Thought you had a good chance but now you're back to scratch

stand up tall say it proud ay yo this line is the best

its oopsolutely oopsurd that we settle for less 

excellence in every step and yes the journey was long

a year of hitting high notes this ain't the weekend song

I'm in a Delta state of mind, I'm reppin Crimson and Cream

Feels like its '92 cuz I'm on the Dream Team!

_______________________________________________________________________

"Her heart, like the elephant, is as strong as can be - while, like the pyramid, she has three sides

one side for them, one side for you, and always one side for me." - One True Delta by Jumond Greene

Unsolved Mysteries, to you I say, HAPPY 13th and I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us.  I wish you much love and success and continued happiness and blessings!  I love you!

So what happens after the morning after you wake up a Delta...you thank the sweet baby Jesus that you made it and party hop through life knowing that you've achieved something great!  Do all you can for your community, your sorors, and the people around you.  Be a Delta and embody everything it means to be a member of this sorority.  Love your sisters and be kind - be the epitome of sisterhood, scholarship, and service.

What happens after the morning after you realize your line sisters are awesome...cherish them and never lose touch.  You need to surround yourself with awesomeness at all times!!  To Nanci, Rhenda, Jennifer, Remi, Candi, Shayla, Jam, Jalissa, Michelle, Beth and Porchia - I love you ladies and I will forever be here for you.  I may fuss at you sometimes and I may talk a lot of junk, but someone has to keep you in line!  I mean really - they don't call me Catalyst for nothing! :)

#5 Catalyst
Fall '99
Iota Rho Chapter

Stay with me!

ATMA: You Wake Up From The Dream

"I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation."

No truer words were ever spoken.  This image, this day, this demonstration has yet to be duplicated in the history of our nation.  Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. inspired a multitude of people to join together and speak in one voice for the freedom that is deserved by each and every one of us.  He and so many others like him, fought for a generation of people that are so undeniably unaware that it almost makes his fight, his struggle, and his death in vain.  We must transform this generation's blissful ignorance into a persistence to validate the struggle of our ancestors.  To validate the leaders.  To validate the fight.  To validate the message.  To validate the dream.

So many lives were given in the Civil Rights movement so that unjust laws and racism would be a distant memory for their children and a part of history for their children's children.  They fought for the unforeseen opportunities of a generation to become a strong force and leave an indelible mark on the very fabric of this country.  They fought in great faith that the fight was worth it for future generations.  FAITH.

We must all make a promise to ourselves and to our children to leave the world a little better than we found it.  The only way to do that is to work towards a goal of betterment.  Now, how you choose to indulge in achieving this goal is as individual as a fingerprint.  I, personally, believe in mentoring youth.  I truly believe this is my calling.  My personality and sense of self leads me to become involved in helping youth achieve theirs.  With a strong personality and self esteem, comes a confidence that allows a wider net to be cast and more opportunities for greatness arise.  But no matter what your contribution is, just make sure you make one.  Everyone is not going to have the appeal and the enormous reach of Dr. King, but it's about doing what YOU can do and not in comparison to someone else.  BETTERMENT.

I see the state of the world today and wonder if it would just be easier to wipe the slate clean and start over.  Is there too much chaos and negativity to overcome?  Why does racism still exist so long after slaves were freed?  Why is negative propaganda manifesting itself in more places than positive reinforcement?  Left, right, front and back there are obstacles to unity, detours from the narrow path of justice, blockages on the bloodlines of stability, and variations in the truths of society.  So many deterrents, those that are fighting for this nation can't seem to be seen or heard through it all.  So where do we go from here?  Where do we find the courage and bravery to continue to stand for what seems like a distant priority for today's society?  Where do we go?  We go to GOD.  For throughout all the darkness of injustice - God is light.  Throughout all the deeply rooted hatred - God is love.  Throughout all the misconstrued intentions - God is understanding.  And throughout the constant examples of negativity and chaos - God is good and God is calm.  God was the key during the Civil Rights struggle and God is the key today!  GOD.

Our struggle is no less than theirs.  Our struggle has traded water hoses and dogs, for the Tea Party and nepotism.  The difference is our approach.  Our stance.  Our commitment to the cause.  We are separate.  Quiet.  Wavering.  Uncommitted.  Tepid.  We want a change, but we aren't willing to put anything on the line for it.  Where are our leaders?  Where is our conviction? What are we leaving our children to inherit?  Why are we not putting our best foot forward?  We are not raising soldiers to fight in our battle.  We are raising a lazy, unaffected, technology forward generation of pants sagging tweeters, that would rather watch reruns of iCarly than go to a MLK breakfast.  Is this true for all of this generation?  No.  But it is true of most.  They have no idea of the significance of the March on Washington and what it meant for this country and African Americans.  So why would they leave the comforts of their rooms to celebrate, acknowledge, and participate in this day?  SMH.

So you ask, what happens after the morning after you wake up from the Dream - you try your best to wake up those around you.  The Dream is long from being fulfilled.  Recognize that the DREAM IS LONG FROM BEING FULFILLED.  Dr. King could never have imagined that only 40 years after his death, a black president was elected.  But the opportunity is for what he fought and inevitably gave his life.  Let us do our best to validate the Dream.  To carry the Dream in our souls.  To let the Dream manifest in our actions, interactions, and inaction.   Don't let it become more of a nightmare for future generations.  Leave your mark.  Start today.  Be the Dream you want to see in America.

"We cannot walk alone.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.

We cannot turn back."

__

"No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until "justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream."  MLK, Jr.

Happy Birthday, Dr. King.  And back at ya!

Stay with me! 

AFTA: 14 YEARS OF BEST FRIENDSHIP

I want to dedicate this blog to my best friend in the world on her 33rd birthday - I love you, TIWI!!

I sit here with the keyboard beneath my fingers and find it - as talkative as I am - difficult to put into words what you mean to me and how wonderfully amazing I think you are.  You think of your best friend as the one you talk to all the time about anything, the one you shop with (although I HATE shopping), and vent to when boys are acting dumb - which is ALL the time, but my best friend is so much more than that.  She sees the inner core of my being and loves me for who that person is, past my messy house, my tendency to NOT PLAN ANYTHING, my sometimes harsh advice, my loud and sometimes over-the-top behaviors and my unrelenting work and social calendars.  She knows who I am and what I am capable of beyond even my comprehension because she believes in who I am.  Looking at myself through her eyes makes me believe I can do anything.

As I went through all the pictures putting this collage together, I smiled reminiscing on all the great times we've had.  Our trip to Disneyworld was her first plane ride, our trips as UTOP counselors (which funded our trip to Disneyworld), her first international trip for my 30th bday (she was gorgeous in all the pics), starting the tradition of exchanging Hallmark ornaments to symbolize each year of our friendship and the places we had been that year, riding 4 wheelers on Daytona beach, running from roaches in our hotel room, dancing on tables at the bowling alley, all the good times in the condo, sitting outside on the back patio in the sun with a bonnet and a bathing suit on!!  Oh my goodness, I could go on forever - a lot of memories accumulate in 14 years!  I've enjoyed all of it.  The good, the not-so-good, the inadvertent laughs, the hugs that quieted sobs, the gestures that warmed my heart, the random bursts into song when she's sleepy, the happy dance when she has good food, and the most beautiful smile you'll ever see.  NO really - it is!  She's a doll.

My spirit and my person is better for having known her and for having her choose me to love.  I hope that I've been half as good to you, Tiff, as you have been to me.  You deserve to be celebrated, you deserve to be recognized and  to be publicly drooled over for your birthday!  This is my doing ALL 3 for you!  I know that it may seem that I take you for granted sometimes and I don't tell you often enough how amazing you are and how much I love you... but I hope that you know I could never exist without you in my life.  For all that I do, for all that I strive to be - it is that much easier knowing that I have you in my corner.  Thank you for telling me about myself when I need it, for listening when I monopolize the conversation, and for being there - most importantly - for being there.

I read a lot of friendship quotes - you know the ones..."A friend is someone that knows the song in your heart and can sing it back when you've forgotten the words."  Or "A friend is someone who is there when they'd rather be somewhere else." (I'm sure this applies frequently - I can be a lot to handle) And it only reassures me in our bond because they all apply to us.  She is that person.  She is that friend.  She goes above and beyond on EVERY occasion.  GET YOU ONE!!!  lol.  I'm so serious!!  Not mine... but see if you can find one like her!

I believe in God.  I believe in soulmates.  I don't believe that we were called together to walk the same path because we are different as two people can be, but I believe in order for our paths to continue - they must continue parallel to one another.  In all the chaos of life and the trials and tribulations that become commonplace, I find comfort in knowing that with a batch of rice krispie treats and a bottle Christmas Red wine with my BFF - all will be right with the world.  When it is just the two of us - that's the only place that I am completely bare.  She knows everything about me and probably some stuff I don't even remember!!  I am just Lex and she is just Tiff and that is enough!  That is more than enough.

So what happens After the Morning After 14 years of friendship?  You thank the Sweet Baby Jesus that you still have your BFF in your life, smile at knowing that you are blessed beyond measure, and tell your friend that you love them and appreciate them for helping you be a better you!  So Tiff... I love you with my whole heart and I appreciate you beyond words.  You are one of the best people that I know - and I feel honored and will always be grateful for your love and friendship.  Happy Birthday, my love.  I pray that your heart finds happiness, your soul finds its mate (I mean besides me) and your path leads to abundance and prosperity.  I will help all of that happen in any way I can because I want to be as much of a blessing to you as you have been to me.  DON'T YOU EVER LEAVE ME!!!! lol.

Stay with me!

AFTA: you become Gladys Glover

If you've ever seen It Should Happen To You (1954) featuring Judy Holliday and Jack Lemmon - you remember how Gladys Glover (Judy Holliday) wants to make a name for herself in NYC so she purchases a billboard ad in Columbus Circle that reads: Gladys Glover.  That's all it says.



Imagine seeing a billboard with your name on it!  Now imagine what other people are thinking.  They want to know who you are, what you do and how in the hell you can afford a billboard in Columbus Circle!  But now every time you meet someone and say your name - they'll immediately think to the billboard and ask if that was you.  You haven't done anything yet, but they're interested.  They want to know what you're capable of now, and they want to be a part of whatever it is you do.  You've created a mystique about yourself that makes you STAND out from the rest!

In this job market - you have to create your mystique.  Maybe you can't purchase a billboard in NYC - but that doesn't mean that you can't become Gladys Glover.  She was from a small town and needed some attention fast in order to make her name in the big city.  She went for it.  She went all in and it paid off for her.  So I charge you to do the same.  When you're trying to make a name for yourself - don't hold back!  Go ALL IN and do it every time.  Put all of yourself out there and believe that the person you are is deserving of a billboard in NYC because that's just how good you are!  If you're not that good, do what you need to do to make yourself better. Get your Gladys Glover on, people... get your Gladys Glover on.

 <INSERT DESTINY HERE>

DO IT and DO IT BIG!  DO IT FANCY, HUH!  AND make sure you DO IT ALL NIGHT LONG!!! LOL!  Don't stop when you catch one person's attention, make sure the world stops and stares for a second! Present the very best of you, the biggest and best part of you and watch how they come calling.  But if no one knows who you are, don't be surprised if they don't ask for you by name.

So what happens After the Morning After you become Gladys Glover... you'll watch the world unfold at your feet and you'll be able to write your own ticket.  I for one, have my pen ready honey!  Watch me work!

Stay with me!

After the Morning After - a celebration of life

It is so easy to get caught up in your day to day, month to month, and year to year that you forget to celebrate yourself!  I for one, never forget!! LOL.  My birthday is a great reason to get all the people that you care most about together and just do what comes naturally!  PARTY, drink, talk, catch up on current events, see who's getting married, divorced, separated, or pregnant.  Catch up on the things that you don't keep up with because they don't pay your bills.  They don't put food on the table, nor have they ever paid a gas bill!  These are the spices of life that we only enjoy when we are around those that we call FRIENDS!

I had a beautiful celebration of life this year!  My friends come from far and wide!  I got a birthday shout out from Hong Kong this year.  Who can really say that?  I love my girls!  They absolutely love me and they support me and that's where my happiness lies this year - in my love and support!

When your expectations of life are not met in a timely fashion, or not met at all - we tend to pout, act out, and immediately think that someone has forsaken us.  But if we're patient, thoughtful, and pay attention - we will notice that our expectations are unrealistic at times, and that what God has planned for us, is happening as it should.  He's right on time!  Our lives are a combination of lessons, laughs, and loves - and the labyrinth that is unique to each of us has been designed to give us the most of all 3!  The intricacies of life are not for us to understand, they are to keep us interested in the process.  Stay interested, people!

I heard recently that there are 2 great moments in life - the day you are born and the day you realize why you were born!  All that stuff in the middle is just the PROCESS.  Strive to reach your epiphany and celebrate yourself in all your stages in the meanwhile! :)

What happens after the morning after a celebration of life?  You wake up with a smile on your face knowing that you have done something right up until now - because people actively make your celebration a part of their day, weekend, month, and year!  Know that God is surrounding you with love and support and that is His way of rewarding you for living in his Word!

God is good!

Stay with me!