As I sit in a semi-crowded restaurant watching the door with a bit of anxiety, I wonder how did I get here. Was it me? Was it them? What exactly has led me to the world of social dating? Did I actually buy into the hype of finding my soulmate based on a bunch of pre-answered questions tabulated to create "matches"? Maybe I'm not looking for my retirement plan at the moment, maybe I'm just looking for some fun. What better way to take some of the guesswork out of dating? So here I am...
Every time the door opens, I either hope it's him or hope it's not him!! When an ugh-schmug comes through the door - I immediately turn my head. He does not see me, he does NOT see me. Whew - dodged a bullet there! But when a beautiful specimen of a man comes in, I readjust my blouse, moisten my lips, and smile waiting to make eye contact. I maintain my perfect smile until it fades involuntarily at the sight of Mr. Gorgeous walking up to a Ms. Perfect (that is not me). Or in some cases a Mr. Perfect. Damn, for real? Well bravo to you, Sir, for scooping up some man candy like that!! So now, I'm stuck looking at the door again every few minutes between text messages to my girlfriends. I get a message that reads, "I sure hope he's not 4'11" or 600 lbs... or 600 lbs AND 4'11"! Make sure you know where the exits are! lmao." and as soon as I burst out laughing, I hear, "Excuse me, are you...?"
Now when you're dealing with social dating sites, people have the freedom to invent themselves as anybody that their imagination tells them they can be. In my mind, there are no flaws on my body. My teeth are perfectly white (although I drink coffee every morning). My armpits don't sweat no matter how much I work out. I smell like my morning shower all day long...it's like the 18 hour bra! The 18 hour shower! I'm 5'9" and only 130 lbs. I could go on and on. My point is that when its you and the keyboard, you can be anything you want to be - DON'T! Be who you are. Be the person that you see everyday. Be confident in your abilities. Don't tell me you're 6'2" and Nigerian and then you walk up in our date 5'7" and Norwegian! DO YOU NOT THINK I'LL NOTICE?!!!! Come on, man!!
What makes people lie on their profiles? If you're really trying to meet someone to have some fun, let it all out! What do you have to lose? There are a million other people to wink at, or wave to, or smile at, or whatever you have to do to flirt via cyberspace! If this one doesn't like you... find another one. Your best chance to get the most bang out of your buck (so to speak)(pun intended) (disclaimer: you are not a John if you pay for the possibility of meeting someone online to possibly have sex with down the road - at least I don't think. lol.) is to be honest, tell the truth, and see where it gets you. I had a coworker that straight told the guy they weren't going anywhere because he lied on his profile and he was chubbier than she liked. Well clearly, she was a b.i. - but her point is valid. If she's superficial enough to turn you away bc of your weight, she would've done it online had you given her the chance. That would've saved you a train ride, buddy! Be honest. And if only she had put "potential to be a pompous ass" on her profile, he would've known to leave her alone in the first place!
We're all out here trying to play this chess game of dating - whether you're a pawn or a King... be honest about it! A pawn can't be disguised as a King - but it can still put some moves on the Queen! Get 'em Tiger!! :)
What happens after the morning after....social dating sites? HONESTY. SELF-REFLECTION. A guy that pays your way into the movies with quarters (thrifty), a girl who inadvertently uses curse words in her story-telling (edgy), a guy who puts work ahead of you (ambitious), or a girl who just simply makes you smile (dabomb.com). If you look for the good in the person, you might surprise yourself. If you're honest about the good in you, you might be a refreshing change of pace for someone else. We're all grown here, let's keep it 100. I am what I am. I am what I eat, and I am what I know. But I could try eating what you eat, and learning some of what you know - and who knows who I'd be then!!
Stay with me!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
ATMA: they're gone...
"We can't dwell in what we're losing, we have to move forward with what your decision means for both of us individually. I need to find out what I do now. I need to find what's next for me. I need to make sure I'm strong enough to handle a friendship with the one that has my heart. I know I am, I just don't know how to get from A to B right now. And you... well, you have to do you."
Are you serious? You want us to be friends? Sure, let's be friends, let's hold hands and sing kumbaya. We'll wear matching shirts or something! It'll be great! Oh, I'm sorry - was I being sarcastic? I'm just sayin'...Isn't it a little selfish to break up with someone for your own personal reasons and then ask them to squeeze into this nice little category that you've constructed for them. You want them in your life, but only how you want them. You really want me to watch you date other people? Do I get a pat on the head for good behavior too? So I ask...what do you do when you've invested all you have in something and then you lose it? Especially, when you lose it for reasons that are not attributed to your person. Geography. Bad timing. At this point in my life... I mean what ever follows that statement, is not going to be good for you. It's not you, it's me. You're "amazing". Funny how none of the aforementioned statements actually soothes the emptiness you feel at losing something that you weren't ready to lose.
It's similar to investing $20 in a stock and watching it grow to $2000. Everyday, you go back to check and see if it's grown some more, and when it has - you do a little victory dance, you tell your friends, and pat yourself on the back for having the brilliance to jump in! Then one day your stock decides to take it's $2000 status to someone else. WTH??? You don't get a return on your investment. You get a pat on the head for being "amazing" and your stock walks away with the microwave and the flat screen TV.
Now you're amazing and alone. Your friends tell you to get out and date. Find someone else, you need a distraction - but it's just not palatable to start again with another $20 and not know the outcome. Will this one be the stock that I can retire on? This is the biggest gamble you're ever going to make. And for most people, it happens a lot!! It's never a jackpot on the first try. It's endless days and nights drinking free Rum & Cokes in the same chair pulling the same handle on the same machine hoping for a different outcome. COME ON 3 CHERRIES!!! Hey, some people have even decided to switch machines!! :) Get you some!! I don't judge. But the funny thing is... it doesn't matter which machine you're on - the chance of hitting jackpot depends heavily on the player before you.
You can't get up and walk away from it all. You have seen way too many of your friends hit their jackpots! People all around you have beat the machine so you still have hope that it can happen for you. Keep that faith, baby!!
So what happens after the morning after they're gone...pull it together! Sigh at the loss of your relationship, shake off the urge to call them, get your friends together for a night out, and try to distract yourself as much as possible. Once you're thoroughly distracted, you'll find "ol' whatshisname/whatshername" further from your thoughts. And the angst in your heart will dissipate eventually... enough to maybe make room for some joy from another. Some people bounce back faster than others - those people keep their emotions superficial while others feel viscerally. Know who you are and know that someone out there will appreciate your "AMAZINGNESS" enough to make you their retirement plan. All the others - were suckas!
Stay with me!
Are you serious? You want us to be friends? Sure, let's be friends, let's hold hands and sing kumbaya. We'll wear matching shirts or something! It'll be great! Oh, I'm sorry - was I being sarcastic? I'm just sayin'...Isn't it a little selfish to break up with someone for your own personal reasons and then ask them to squeeze into this nice little category that you've constructed for them. You want them in your life, but only how you want them. You really want me to watch you date other people? Do I get a pat on the head for good behavior too? So I ask...what do you do when you've invested all you have in something and then you lose it? Especially, when you lose it for reasons that are not attributed to your person. Geography. Bad timing. At this point in my life... I mean what ever follows that statement, is not going to be good for you. It's not you, it's me. You're "amazing". Funny how none of the aforementioned statements actually soothes the emptiness you feel at losing something that you weren't ready to lose.
It's similar to investing $20 in a stock and watching it grow to $2000. Everyday, you go back to check and see if it's grown some more, and when it has - you do a little victory dance, you tell your friends, and pat yourself on the back for having the brilliance to jump in! Then one day your stock decides to take it's $2000 status to someone else. WTH??? You don't get a return on your investment. You get a pat on the head for being "amazing" and your stock walks away with the microwave and the flat screen TV.
Now you're amazing and alone. Your friends tell you to get out and date. Find someone else, you need a distraction - but it's just not palatable to start again with another $20 and not know the outcome. Will this one be the stock that I can retire on? This is the biggest gamble you're ever going to make. And for most people, it happens a lot!! It's never a jackpot on the first try. It's endless days and nights drinking free Rum & Cokes in the same chair pulling the same handle on the same machine hoping for a different outcome. COME ON 3 CHERRIES!!! Hey, some people have even decided to switch machines!! :) Get you some!! I don't judge. But the funny thing is... it doesn't matter which machine you're on - the chance of hitting jackpot depends heavily on the player before you.
You can't get up and walk away from it all. You have seen way too many of your friends hit their jackpots! People all around you have beat the machine so you still have hope that it can happen for you. Keep that faith, baby!!
So what happens after the morning after they're gone...pull it together! Sigh at the loss of your relationship, shake off the urge to call them, get your friends together for a night out, and try to distract yourself as much as possible. Once you're thoroughly distracted, you'll find "ol' whatshisname/whatshername" further from your thoughts. And the angst in your heart will dissipate eventually... enough to maybe make room for some joy from another. Some people bounce back faster than others - those people keep their emotions superficial while others feel viscerally. Know who you are and know that someone out there will appreciate your "AMAZINGNESS" enough to make you their retirement plan. All the others - were suckas!
Stay with me!
Monday, September 27, 2010
After the Morning After - you find your hustle...
Education, education, education! From the time you're born - you're steadily being pumped with information that will prepare you for the rest of your life. Education is the key! Ambition is the way! Determination and perseverance!!! Yes, yes, yes! Yes, Bobby Bouche - YOU CAN DO ITTTT!! But what happens when you don't graduate with a degree that explains exactly what you'll do after graduation? Okay, if you're in Nursing School - chances are, you know you're gonna need some scrubs and some Crocs sometime soon! A degree in Education means you will need some Germ-X soon! (God Bless You Brothers and Sisters) But graduating with a degree in Communications will inevitably set you up for trial and error career choices until you find your niche.
In my dictionary - there are two definitions of hustle. My picture is beside both of them!! There is the corporate hustle that makes you a rising star from the moment you step on the scene. The hustle to have 17 degrees and an honorary doctorate - damn, son - you just never get enough of a classroom! By the time you get out of school, it'll be time to retire!! Sit your old smart ass down somewhere!! Just kidding! We need people like you, the word NERD is more official because of you! lol. Because of your education, you have your choice of careers, you become an expert and share your knowledge with the world until you're 91 and no one can understand you because you have no teeth!
Example:
With a BA in Communications, young graduate, you can go on to over 100 different positions - finding the right place for you requires a little hustle on your part. Some ingenuity in action, creativity in conversation, versatility in various - uhm, well anyway, you get my drift - you're going to have to work it to make it what you want. What does your degree prepare you for? What has your education gotten you? Hopefully, some connections so that you can see the opportunities awaiting someone with your qualifications - which by the way are minimal. This is where the hustle awakens - you decide what it is that you want to do and you find someone that can get your foot in the door. You take that job at the radio station giving out t-shirts at live broadcasts in front of Food Lion, sign up to work at the local newspaper as an Associate's Associate, and in the meanwhile, find someone in executive management and shine for them! Be the first one there, be the last one to leave, and work super hard all the hours in between.
Work hard, but not just to please your masters when they are watching. As slaves of Christ, do the will of God with all your heart. Work with enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.
Ephesians 6:6
Ephesians 6:6
I'm not telling you to brown nose... because then you'll piss off your coworkers and they'll sabotage your rise to the top! Just be cool and work hard. Be innovative and speak up. Let your voice be heard from the bottom of the totem pole. Loud enough to make all those above you look back and take notice! Who's that girrrrrrl? Na, na, nuh, na, na, na, nuh, na, na.... She's that girl - na, na, nuh, na, na, na, nuh, na! Or guy!! It doesn't sound as good, but the same advice goes for men. Don't be afraid to ask questions, to learn new things, and please try to take in as much as you can - but never get complacent! Never settle for your position. Remember that this position is a way to your next position - and that one is closer to what you really want to do.
Then there is the hustle that allows you to make a dollar out of fifteen cent (a dime and a nickel). The hustle that makes people ask, "Do you ever sit still?" Your answer, Hustle Man, is HELL NO... money never sleeps and neither do I!
Do you know anybody that is Tommy from Martin? Do you know anyone that you've never known to have a job, but is never without anything? His TV is bigger than yours. His bedroom is fancier than yours. (Oh you fancy, huh?) But you haven't seen this man get up and go to a job a day in his life. This man hustles. He uses his connections to get him in situations that make money. Street sense with an economical and financial element can lead to some pretty lucrative situations! You don't have to make this man your boyfriend, but you will need him in your life! He knows someone who knows someone that has exactly what you need. You don't even know what you need yet, but Hustle Man can get it for you! I admire Hustle Man because he's not going to let his lack of education keep him from the American Dream - oh no, my brotha - he's going to get his! We sit around and wait on a paycheck allowing our lives to be planned around the 1st and 15th - but Hustle Man is always ready to do whatever because he always has money in his pocket and more coming!
Some of us out here have way too many talents and aspirations to be straddled into one position at one company for the rest of our lives. We still need to pay our rents, so we may still need the stability that corporate America affords - but where do we really get jazzy?? What do we do that relaxes us, that stimulates us, that inspires us, that fills that void of public service? How can we make a difference? Because really...those of us that have been blessed, have to be the ones to bless others. We have to be held accountable for the environment around us. We must roll up our sleeves after work and do something that makes a difference - do it all night long!! Do it like it's never been done before! And get your friends to do it too! BOTTOMLINE: WE CAN ALL DO SOMETHING! If you make jewelry, knit sweaters, are handy with a hammer, technologically savvy, or a great cook... let's figure out a way to use that hustle to make a difference. If you need that hustle to make money, I will not discourage you. I encourage expanding your personal enterprise, but at the same time - use it to help someone else. After your bake sale, donate the unsold goods to your local shelter. If your sweaters didn't sell at the flea market this week, donate a couple to the Women's Shelter. Grab your hammer and volunteer with Habitat for Humanity. There are a million ways to use your hustle to benefit you and others.
So what happens after the morning after you find your hustle? You put it to work. Make it work for you, make it work for your community, and use it to create happiness or security for someone else. Don't waste the talent that God has given you to share with others - do as He intended. And I have to take my own advice on this one! I have a lot of talents and I don't do enough with them, so I will challenge myself to do something bigger with what God has given me.
Stay with me!
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